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H20=Heart, Humor & Optimism
With a child, it is not written. And "In the end" never determined
by "In the beginning."-Margo@MomOpinion Matters

MomBlog

Monday, June 29

MomOpinion:

Taking Responsibility:

Am I Willing To Take Responsibility For that Which I Am About To Do?

Apologizing and asking forgiveness, does not
automatically entitle someone to forgiveness without consequences.
.
Kids know there are consequences for innapropriate behavior. They encounter them all the time! Not only that, we constantly warn them in advance. If you don't pick up your clothes, I'm sewing them to the floor! Throw your food one more time, and dessert is a tennis ball! Continue to yell, and I'm going to reply to you in sign language!

So why do grown-ups so often get a free pass?

Children should also have umpteenth chances to right wrongs, and redirect their energies.

Grown-ups should know better!

When it comes to Governor Sanford's behavior, we are not talking about a child's misdeeds and normal growing up 'mistakes'. We are talking about adult misconduct-seriously destructive betrayal. What troubles me so much about adults and public figures like Governor Sanford is not just the hypocrisy from holier than thou officials. Nor is it just about the sexual indiscretions themselves. It is also about the misdirected forgiveness we give their state of being. (As in: Who among us has not sinned?) Of course, we all make mistakes! But there are consequences to making very big mistakes!

The issue here is about making such a huge personal mistake that such public figures not only victimize and destroy loved ones, they do so in the public eye. And, it is especially, their children--as all children who are exceptionally private when it comes to personal affairs-- who must suddenly live with all the dirty laundry that inevitably airs in the press and media.

What are Governor Sanford's children to do with the intimate emails flapping all over the internet-emails that can never be deleted? And what happens when 'Miss Argentina' decides to give her own 'show and tell' and offer yet more personal details? How much more difficult will it be for Mrs. Sanford,(my new heroine) as she herself said, to teach ethics to four boys who will one day be fathers themselves? How does she help them overcome emotional devastation and betrayal of trust? How can she address their sudden loss of respect for the father they once admired and believed in? And how does she heal their shock and yes, embarassment.

Kids are not adults. They have not yet reached our age of reason and perspective, cynicism or rationalization. Their feelings are more pure. They simply hurt. When their trust is shattered they hurt very deeply. Such children will have to struggle very hard to regain it in their own future adult relationships.

When Governor Sanford consciously made such an egocentric choice ( 'it just happened' doesn't cut it)) not only did he bring pain an sorrow to innocent victims--his wife and sons-- but he now forces them to cope with the very public consequences of his personal behavior. They become exposed victims. The Governor's private actions will be public record. And, unlike a minor's, will not be wiped clean, or omitted in future history books.
This is the legacy he, as Governor and Father, will leave his children? And are the children then expected to tuck this hurtful past into the far reaches of their hearts and minds and move on-- just because the Governor has said he is sorry he hurt those he loves, and caused them pain and especially, when he seems to need yet more major mea culpa 'couch' time in front of microphones and cameras!

This is not about what you or I or the public at large can accept or forgive. This is not, as Mrs. Sanford so beautifully put it, about her husband--it is about her children.

Governor Sanford had to have known, all too well, what the consequences of doing what he did and getting caught would mean for his family. (In fact, Mrs. Sanford had confronted him and had given him clear warning!) Did he weigh that before he got on the plane? Did he ask--as my article speaks to in 'Taking Responsibility'-- Am I willing to take responsibility for that which I am ABOUT to do? That is how we begin to teach responsibility to kids. We give them lots of chances to make non-life threatening choices and live with the consequences, so that later when the stakes are higher they can weigh the consequences and make tough choices. Did knowing of such a dangerous consequence stop the Governor? Did he consider making the tough decision not to go to Argentina so his family would not be dragged into his self-made mud? Incredibly, no! (It didn't stop Clinton, Edwards, Spitzer, Foley or a long list of others either!)

This issue is really about the truly innocent victims of these kinds of transgressions. This is about Governor Sanford's four sons and the world they have so abruptly lost and the new truth they are now forced to adopt.

Governor Sanford made a conscious choice that will forever impact his children.

And, is it always about the children? Yes. They are tomorrow's leaders, parents, friends and colleagues. Some are fortunate enough to have wonderful role models. Others will have to work desperately against type. All children deserve an equal chance to become emotionally healthy adults. When we take that chance away from them with full knowlege that what we are doing is so very perilous for their emotional stability, and with no regard for their future emotional well-being, we risk more than a public position, or personal relationship. We lose our moral grounding.

So perhaps while we are asking our children this, we should be asking ourselves the same thing:

Am I willing to take responsibility for that which I am ABOUT to do...

Margo@MomOpinionMatters

email: margo@momopinionmatters.com

Wednesday, June 10,2009

Homeless in the Afternoon
I had to go to a big electronics store about our new flat screen TV. There was something wrong with the remote, not to mention that I am absolutely hopeless when it comes to anything hi-tech. While waiting, I noticed eight teenage girls lounging on couches in front of the huge flat screen displays. It was late afternoon on an extremely hot day. So, there they were with air-conditioning, on comfy furniture, in a safe environment. piled up on each other, laughing and talking.
But then, a manager came by and ordered them up and out. I overheard her tell a colleague that they had come in before, and what did they think? They could use the store as a living room? The teenagers moved pretty quickly but lingered still in the store, walking up and down aisles.
I got the assistance I needed, but I left thinking about those girls. Would they have been in the store had there been somewhere else to go as comfortable and/or secure? And what did it say about them, and their personal circumstances.
I wish I had had a chance to talk to them so I could find out.
Meanwhile, with everyone working, and homes empty or perhaps far away where do older kids go? Where will these teenage girls go to pile up on each other and laugh and talk?
There is something wrong with this picture.
Margo@MomOpinion Matters
Email: margo@momopinionmatters.com

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Oh no! Not another "On Sale" sign! She's going in!
Time to negotiate! One scoop, vanilla, in a cup!
(Tonka spending 'quality' time with Mom)

*MomBlog I am an empty nester except when my college grad comes home on vacation, with friends, with laundry, and with grocery lists, and except for my dog Tonka, who at 7 years of age is still a toddler in thunderstorms, cannot eat alone, and for whom the word play would illicit an instant jump up in the dead of night, from the deepest sleep.
But as a mother who continues to find children wondrous, and young people compelling, I plan to make the most of my wise perch! I warn you, it’s high. Very high. I can see a lot! A whole lot! I have binoculars! Very strong binoculars!
Margo@momopinionmatters.com

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